If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
