he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
