It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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