WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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