I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
