omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
