I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
