We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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