I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
