You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
