That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bring money and cleavage
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
