you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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