So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
