There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
