you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
