in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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