Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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