Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
