We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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