yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
