Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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