Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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