Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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