Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
