I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
