I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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