google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
