as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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