You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
These tits shall not be calmed
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