well I can't set my house on fire every night
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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