its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
