I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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