Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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