I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
