my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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