I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We have started to decorate penises.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
