so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
