I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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