he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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