idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
