my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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