I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
