SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
