the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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