Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
