I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
