I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
