OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
