True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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