The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
