mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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