Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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