She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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