i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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