Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
