Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
